cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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