Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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