Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
