It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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