I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
