I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
