"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
