No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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