Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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