remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
