if you like me you must not know who I am
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
