Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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