I'm eating all of the evidence.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
