you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
