Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I love you. Go after that dick
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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