i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Randomize
