I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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