Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
