kristin has been a bad kristin
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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