your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
