I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
