what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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