By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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