Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
