the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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