Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
