Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
