Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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