did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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