I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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