awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
