I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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