I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
