Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
