why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
