i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
