i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
