HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
