Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
