Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
zippers are such a cool invention
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
