Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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