Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
