I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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