YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She even gives head with a lisp.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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