So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
