It's Friday. Sex?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
