ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize