Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
