I looked at my own cervix.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
