I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
No subtext here. People are naked.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
