He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
either way he was missing a nipple.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
