i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
