have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm sobbing to NWA
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
