i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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