just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
wow bdsm is so cute
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
