I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
