That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
