I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
