i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
