I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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