Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
