I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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