He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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