i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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