So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
we're so committed to being not committed
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize