hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
