I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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