i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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