I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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