Tell her she can't have a vagina
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
