I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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