i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the day after is always just damage control
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
